redeemer and friend, like in the song.

Judges was a hard book to get through. After reading it I was tempted for a moment to think about how depraved the Israelites were and how terribly they had strayed from God, but then I remember my own life and I am humbled. Chastened. I am no different. I sin again and again and I run away from God and I hide from Him because I know I have done wrong but I don't want to deal with it. But God calls to me. He calls to me and urges me back to Him. I know this because when I am hiding from Him, I feel a general sense of discomfort the entire day. I just can't do anything without being right with Him first. I'm disgusted by myself and I wonder at how God can accept me and forgive me, just like that, but then I remember that He is God and I am not, and He is Love and I am not, and that is that.

Last Friday the youth pastor for RH came up to Kingston to speak to us and answer questions that we had for him. There was one question that really struck me - it was, "Since we're human and we can't be perfect anyway, why even bother trying to be like Christ?" In the moment, I was like "WHAT? How can anyone say that?" Upon further thought, I realize and remember that less than 2 years ago, I would have thought the exact same thing. And again I am reminded of the Spirit's work in me everyday, transforming me by His power and only His power because I can do nothing, to become more like Christ. Isn't that amazing? Isn't this redemption? This is redemption! By His blood, and His blood alone.

I've never really been able to see Jesus as a "friend". Recently I think God is ushering me into this direction. It's amazing because I've really seen and felt the relationship dynamic between God and myself shift and change as He wills it. I remember Ian once asked me what I thought about each of the three Persons of God, and my relationship with each one. I remember even back then (okay it wasn't THAT long ago, earlier last summer maybe?) that I had a pretty firm attachment to God the Father and the Holy Spirit as my Comforter and Guide, but I was always pretty vague about Jesus Christ's role in my life. I mean, apart from that of my Saviour, haha. It's because I always think of Him as my Saviour and I'm beginning to feel that this "label" (argh, I wish I had a better word for this...) has introduced some distance between me and my getting to know Him. Jesus Christ was our Saviour, but He also walked with the disciples and people of Israel as a man. He was a Teacher. He was a Friend. All of a sudden I'm filled with a desire to know Jesus in these ways. It's like. An adventure. Ackkkkk I'm excited!

Also finished Ruth today too. A little confused about kinsman-redeemer-ship and the whole threshing floor scene, but hopefully that can be cleared up with my lovely partner tomorrow night :)