God asked for my posters tonight. One by one I tore them down from my walls, rolled them up, and put them away. He also asked for my folders of Internet stories. I deleted them - and emptied the Trash - before I could regret it. For the first time ever, I want God more than anything else. These are idols and addictions I have indulged in for years, but the fear of God thrums deep in the pit of my stomach, and I must strike while the iron is hot.
For, "as the deer pants for the streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?" There is no satisfaction in earthly things. The world around me is falling apart, and believe me - this is no preteen angst-fest. There is a deep desire in me for something more, because the things of this world do not satisfy. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." For weeks now I have felt so far from God, but it is like He is calling me out of the desert and saying, "I am here with you. I am your God. Remove these idols from your life, and return to me."
Several months ago I was captivated by the Word. I pored over it, prayed over it, burned it deep within my heart. Now I feel far. I am re-acquainting myself with these once-treasured verses. One step forward and two steps back, but even now I know that God has been changing me.
"The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:8-12)
And more,
"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)
Lastly,
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." (Psalm 46:10-11)
